What is going on with women who refuse to leave an abusive relationship? I am seriously starting to believe it is some sort of disorder. I don't mean to insult anyone or judge them. No one knows what someone else is going through unless they walk in their shoes. I am genuinely trying to understand. How can people help?

Only people mentioned by @Chonita in this post can reply

ULTRA MAGA, Gen X, Texas Patriot. #WWG1WGA #GOD WINS.

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

I thought of this question in recent years when considering why would people not recognize what was going on with the media presentation regarding the plandemic. The media was treating the people in an abusive manner, yet seemingly very few got that.

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

They’re in a mind trap. Similar to the one liberals are in… They think without their current circumstances they’ll have nowhere to go. When in actuality, there are people waiting in the wings with open arms, just hoping they’ll see the light!?

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

I have read your comments and I do believe you are coming from a genuine and probably concerned space. With that said, pathologizing victims/survivors? If you're asking why some don't leave, then may I suggest part of the answer is in your question. It's almost the same as enabling the abuser, imo.
I applaud and send hugs to all that have shared their stories here. My own experience really (sadly) opened my eyes to what a failure the court system can be, among other things.
Abuse doesn't happen in a vacuum. Who is stopping the abuser? Why not concentrate on how we can stop abuse and abusers from continuing as opposed to blaming victims. My two cents,

In response Erin Larson to her Publication

Thank you for sharing that. I agree 100% with the court system failing. I think all abusers should go to jail. I think it should be for more than a few nights. This is another huge problem. Where are the consequences for these abusers?! I am in no way blaming the victims.

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In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

Wow! Powerful impact here. Never thought I would encounter abuse. Married late in life to a well establish man, former military, who had many mental issues that surfaced after we got together. Never experience abuse before until I met him. More emotional and mental abuse than anything. But recognized the signs right away. I stayed as long as I could since we had a grand baby to take care of. Once the mother got back on her feet 4 years later,baby went back to her and I packed up, let the house go into foreclosure, and left. I think my issue was I felt sorry for him and wanted him to be a better person. Never happened and I had to give up trying to help him. I've seen lots of friends who stay in abusive relationships, males and females. I don't judge anyone, just pray that one day they can get their life back together and leave the abuse. You can't change people and sometimes their issues are way beyond your pay grade. So stop trying. Sometimes we just have to be selfish and realize yo

In response Meggie Jam to her Publication

Thank you for sharing your story. Your last few sentences are on target. No, judgement but prayer for the person. You can't change people. They do have to want help. Thanks to people here sharing their stories I do have a better understanding. I am thankful you were able to get out and are here.

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In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

Bottomline . . . . FEAR & Programming.

In response 13007 ThisOrThat to her Publication

That seems to be a common factor. I am also seeing there are ones who don't even have the means or support to leave.

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🐸 💗 ☮️ 🇦🇺 🇺🇸

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

I had just turned 16, he was 28, need I say more :(

Took me 12 years to get out. I wish I had listened to my parents and I wish I had been more honest with them in those years as to how bad it was as they would have got me out, no one had a clue and feeling trapped is the most lonely feeling in the world.

In response Awake Elf to her Publication

Thank you for sharing your story. 16 wow, age is just another example of how anyone could be a victim. I don't believe it is ever the victim's fault! I am thankful you got out and are here.

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In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

I am one that left when abuse was on all levels...

but after 7 years..

my adult children and I were worse off than before..

we are back together after a struggle and I am better off than I was for those 7 years.

So, not the status quo.

Kinda feel like I got in the Hosea thingy.

In response Eowyn 777 to her Publication

BTW, worked in Family law in Harris County- TX during the 7 years-- courts I was in - victimized women had children ripped away from them and left with nothing.

Things have changed. No justice in the Family Court, regularly.

So, I decided that the 'abuse' could end if I changed my mind where it would not exist...
I am wife of his youth
I am mother of children
I am honored
I am worthy
I am life giver and nurturer of All things related to my family.
I would recover the things that had been stolen and destroyed from me and my family by the grace of God.

Not a victim.

In response Eowyn 777 to her Publication

Thank you for sharing your story. I am thankful you and your children got out.

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In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

I see it as people just continuing to perform the dance they know; the dance their parents taught them. Once you are used to one way of being/interpreting/reacting in your relationships it is difficult to change. Finding a new dance teacher takes courage and time that a lot of people just don't think they have.

Remember who you are. We Win!! Happily married, mother of 4, nana of 2

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

its amazing how controlled the mind can become, in such a short time, without them even realizing it. as many have stated, so many factors cause it. heres one. a narcissist can gain control of strong minded people who have good self confidence. ive seen both male and female narcissistic people. they slowly take control, and have those around the person thinking they are perfect. they convince their victim that they would fail at everything without them. they can fool good hearted people. their abuse is mostly mental/emotional. if a person, under this mind control, doesnt see the pattern of the narcissist, even if they escape one, they fall right under the control of another. the biggest lie these women/men believe is, “oh, they can change”. they are psychopathic predators, that cant change. ive seen their ways, within my family and now i can spot one a mile off 🙂 the mirror is their best friend.

Believer/Christian APL 99.993 I've seen war 1st hand + more child suffering than most.

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

Not until they "reach the precipice".. will they search for help... and for some - that is too late.....

Just like our jabbed loved ones. ;0(.

Believer/Christian APL 99.993 I've seen war 1st hand + more child suffering than most.

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

Whatever it is - it's the same sort of thing that gives grandma's the "right" to say - "we will not discuss science" or anything contrary to MY opinion if I say so...

No matter the piles of evidence....
Maybe a hormone?

I think some get so used to thinking they have to play a part - the truth doesn't matter at all.

A FREEDOM THINKING AMERICAN. A SPIRITUAL WAKADO. I LOVE GOD, JESUS AND MY FELLOW HUMANS. THE ONLY THING I HATE IS EVIL.

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

😢THEY THINK THEY DESERVE IT SOME HOW. THEY THINK THEY ARE NOT WORTHY OF A GOOD MAN/GOOD LIVE. NO SELF ESTEEM. HARD TO PICK YOURSELVE UP WHEN YOU HATE YOURSELF. THEY REALLY ARE STRONG HUMANS. HAVE WORKED WITH SEVERAL LADIES. SEEMS TO BE THE COMMON TRIATE.

Nana, Direct Internal connection to God, WWG1WWA, MAGA, Angels are here already #FightLikeGodIsBesideYou

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

There are so many different situations in this.
Many are verbal abuse or abusive Narcissistic relationships.
Many are not abuse but circumstances surrounding children.

Nana never suffered ANY physical abuse. My ex had a clear understanding from day one that if he ever laid a hand on me the sob would have to sleep sometime.

Mine turned into a drug addict alcoholic, we had to go thro a period of treatment tries and waiting til the kids finally decided that he would never love them enough to stop.

He was a fried pie years later before he died. There is a point imo when ppl take so many drugs for so long that their mind is simply not recoverable.
His sister was the same. She died of an overdose the night my son was killed in a wreck.

In response Angels Here -Z to her Publication

Sending hugs and prayers Nana, thanks for sharing this. You are such an inspiring woman, being such a light to others after so much darkness fell on you. I am proud to call you "fren". :)

In response Angels Here -Z to her Publication

Thanks for sharing that Nana. Substance abuse is another situation I could not fathom being in. I am sorry for the loss of your son. Unimaginable. Sending you hugs and prayers.

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A healer with many hats. Nature Mom is my fav Do from your heart and you will never be wrong Happily married to my soul mate

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

everyone is different but those i personally know stayed because they were broken to begin with and the mind games played on them makes them believe they cant live

A healer with many hats. Nature Mom is my fav Do from your heart and you will never be wrong Happily married to my soul mate

In response I am Keri to her Publication

*leave

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Faith+ Family +Vibes + Truth . No DM’s unless I know ya :)

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

It’s different for everyone, for some it’s fear of provision , to another it’s traditional ( upbringing) to another it’s love misunderstood, to another it’s lack of confidence, to another it’s guilt by their church beliefs…… I could go on . Not sure there is a short answer. I believe it is a timely question that needs to be addressed, it’s time for woman in that situation to be set free , get their voice back within them and without fear of being punished because of it , starting with changing heart& thoughts beliefs with provision & support material wise . Some friends and I are doing that in the OC area here in Cali have seen tremendous results once the heart& mind beliefs are sorted out .Housing-seems to be the most difficult, working in that as well 🙏❤️

In response Miss. Messina to her Publication

100% agree with everything you have said! Emphasis on " I believe it is a timely question that needs to be addressed, it’s time for woman in that situation to be set free , get their voice back within them and without fear of being punished because of it , starting with changing heart& thoughts beliefs with provision & support material wise ." Thank you for supporting and helping these women. We all need to step up and do our part.

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Lives on the Isle Of Wight Ooooooarghhhhh

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

My Ma is now 61 and been with my Pap since she was 16. Hes been awful over the years so much it takes too long to put into words. I left the house at 16. He has mellowed somewhat with age but is still not what I would consider a loving husband. I wish she could have experienced love as it is supposed to be.

In response Lisa Newnham to her Publication

Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry for your Ma as well. She has experienced love from you. I know that is not the same love you are talking about. Being loved has had to have helped her survive.

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In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

Stockholm Syndrome can be involved

Stockholm syndrome is a coping mechanism to a captive or abusive situation. People develop positive feelings toward their captors or abusers over time. This condition applies to situations including child abuse, coach-athlete abuse, relationship abuse and sex trafficking.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22387-stockholm-syndrome

Nicaraguan-American🇳🇮🇺🇸 Patriot 🇺🇸 https://truthsocial.com/@LaTuttiHere2 https://gab.com/LaTuttiQ https://twitter.com/LaTuttiAgain

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

I was a stay at home mom of 4 wonderful kids and financially dependent. I was married for 25 yrs and finally left him 3 years ago. The abuse was more psycological than physical, he threaten to kill me and then commit suicide. It was all about control, he did the shopping, paid the bills, filled my gas tank. All I did was take my kids to school, help with homework, study with them and attended school meetings. Now my oldest is 25 and my yougest 17. I am free, I am alive. Thanks be to God.

In response La Tutti UM_Q to her Publication

Thank you for sharing your story. I am so thankful you were able to get out and are here. Praise God for your testimony!

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In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

The response to my question has been eye opening. I just want to thank everyone who has shared their story. I apologize for sounding repetitive as I truly do mean it. It's hard to imagine what many of you have experienced. I am not sure it is possible if you haven't experienced it yourself. Clearly, you are not alone. There are so many of you with similar stories. My hope is there are those that are reading your stories and find hope and help. Please know you are all brave, and beautiful women! You are survivors! You are helping others! I am so thankful you all are here. Blessings to you all

A FREEDOM THINKING AMERICAN. A SPIRITUAL WAKADO. I LOVE GOD, JESUS AND MY FELLOW HUMANS. THE ONLY THING I HATE IS EVIL.

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

IT'S THAT EVERYDAY THING. EVERYDAY I WILL THING. BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, YOU HAVE BEEN IN IT A WHILE.

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In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

Unfortunately, this is true. I was one of them. It is called endorphins addiction and it is harder then heroin addiction. It is deeply connected with relationshio with your parents. It is very hard and painful to accept it, but I manage to escape it. It was years of abuse on every possible level and you feel like you deserve it. Sad thing. I hope every woman find the strength to do the brave thing and just leave

In response Iva Dragojević to her Publication

Thank you for sharing. An addiction is also a new perspective. I can't imagine what many of you have experienced. I am thankful you broke free! I hope many more find what they need to do the same. It is highly likely, there are many here who are going through this. You all are very brave to speak out.

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For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

I know for me it was my kids and I was a stay at home mom and financially dependent. Plus he scared me. It’s hard but I had my breaking point and finally did it after 16 years back in 2014. Now I am happy and in a wonderful marriage. Still sometimes deal with being self conscious from the emotional abuse I endured but its so much better and the fear I had about him is completly gone. I had more growth in that few years after I left him then in my entire life. It was soul training and I am so much stronger and more happy then I have ever been in my life. I know I can make it through anything now!!

In response Kimberly Robinson to his Publication

Thank you for sharing your story. 16 years? I don't know how you broke free but you did! That is a long time. I am thankful your story did not end there. You have a beautiful testimony for others.

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Patriot. MAGA Momma. I just want Honesty in politics not to be an oxymoron & criminals prosecuted. Happily married to The One.

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

I had 2 friends who were amazing, smart & stunning women who stayed in abusive relationships. I genuinely had no idea at the time. I was young & didn't recognize the signs of control/manipulation. My husband did see it. I slowly asked indirect questions & would let them know they could stay with us. Both are now in healthy relationships. Only 1 did we help.
My MIL is a different story. She is a closet narcissist & I think she enjoyed the attention she got from it. She grew up in an amazing home & was offered a place + financial support to leave. She still wouldn't leave even for the safety of her children. My husband knew I would absolutely leave if he verbally or physically touched myself or our children. He broke the cycle b/c he understood.
So maybe teaching abusive red flags & listening/being there if you see it?? Doesn't sound like nearly enough.
Yo the victims, please know my ♥️ is not that I like it happened, but that you are loved, valued & supported.

🐸 💗 ☮️ 🇦🇺 🇺🇸

In response Marianne Risk to her Publication

My hubby has also broken the cycle, he lives with so many wounds and is the strongest man I know. Some of his childhood stories haunt me so much.

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In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

@g_oh_dee I can't see what your response was because of your settings. Please know I see you!

when I was broken and cried out to God, He answered. Knock and the door shall be opened. Seek and ye shall find. His grace, Love & peace.

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

Your right it is a disorder . Like everything else wrong in this world....It stems from fear. And fear is not from God. As long as someone operates from fear they will continue to be bound to the evil one.

Only followers of this user (@Gohdee) can see their posts

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

many do not have a ‘safe space’ to turn too, shelters are not generally on the up and up, i know, ive been in many. finaces are also a big factor, control or using chdren against them. there are many thi gs that come into play but the biggest is having a Real alternative Safe Space.

In response LeLe John to her Publication

Thank you for sharing your story. This is mind blowing. Shelters are not on the up and up? The children factor is also an eye opener. I wouldn't have seen that perspective at all. My only perspective was the children are in harms way.

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In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

I can speak from experience. Recently left everything because the abuse moved towards my eldest daughter after standing up for myself and refusing to tolerate the behavior. I witnessed my older brother being abused by my father growing up. All while protraying to outsiders that we were a normal, happy, family. I refuse to blame others for my issues and mistakes but, logically, it makes sense now why I put up with it for so long. That was "normal" for most of my life. I didn't recognize any major issues until I was too far in. Once I snapped to what was going on, I felt like it was my job to manage it and deescelate situations since I was the one who made the decision to be there in the first place. I watched my mother manage it for so long. It didn't seem so crazy at the time. I'm not sure how an outsider can help, other than listening when someone is speaking out and asking for help. When family/friends say they don't want to get involved/pick sides, they are picking the wrong side.

In response Jenna Bee to her Publication

Thank you for sharing your story. I am thankful you were able to get out of that situation. Wow, I never even thought of people "staying out of it or not wanting to be involved". I can't comprehend it all. It's time for those that can help to step up. Being silent is unacceptable. That includes when the victims are silent and you can see the truth. There is a failure going on with humanity when we turn a blind eye to people in need of help. You have an amazing story. I thank you again for sharing it. Even that takes courage.

Christian! Believer of Jesus Christ! Wife, Mom, rancher, love our vets, our military, and conservative police officers! NO FLIRTING DM’s!

In response Jenna Bee to her Publication

🙏🙏🙏

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Female Patriot, here to learn, here to find pieces to the puzzle, I've always known WE didn't have the whole story. Love & peace for a

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

Fear, They believe their life is in danger.
How will I live?
Everyone told me, they were no good and they were right...but they will find out and think I'm stupid.
And think about this.. Never met a man that came to the first date and said, I'm a mean ugly person, I will beat you, and I'm gonna make you love me and you won't leave.
The cycle of violence is handed down from abused mothers.
Gentle persuasion is all a friend can do, If you need me just call.

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.

In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

I was in a very abusive relationship and I'm not sure I can even explain why I stayed. The abuser would often tell me he was going to kill me and how, ywt I fiercely stood by him. I come from a very loving family who respected each other. I don't know why I stayed with him. Looking back, it was as uf I was in a trance, brainwashed to think I was unworthy. My abuser died in an accident and at the time I didn't feel as though I could live without him, to the point that I attempted suicide. I thank God often that He didn’t take me too and I live each day with gratitude. I never understood why a person would stay with an abuser, nor did I ever think I would be in an abusive relationship. I was a strong, independent woman who had a lot going for me. It is still quite surreal to me that I let myself be in that situation. It is very easy to judge, but difficult to understand.

In response Heather Steel384 to her Publication

Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry if I sound repetitive by saying that. I am sincere. I think all of you are brave to tell your story. I also think it is good for people to realize they are not alone. There are people here with similar stories. You are all survivors. I am thankful you are here!

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In response Chonita Nigus to her Publication

So many lack confidence in themselves. They don’t know their own worth. Build them up. Start showing them a different reality.

Then walking away from an abusive relationship it’s so scary.