I have read your comments and I do believe you are coming from a genuine and probably concerned space. With that said, pathologizing victims/survivors? If you're asking why some don't leave, then may I suggest part of the answer is in your question. It's almost the same as enabling the abuser, imo.
I applaud and send hugs to all that have shared their stories here. My own experience really (sadly) opened my eyes to what a failure the court system can be, among other things.
Abuse doesn't happen in a vacuum. Who is stopping the abuser? Why not concentrate on how we can stop abuse and abusers from continuing as opposed to blaming victims. My two cents,

Thank you for sharing that. I agree 100% with the court system failing. I think all abusers should go to jail. I think it should be for more than a few nights. This is another huge problem. Where are the consequences for these abusers?! I am in no way blaming the victims.

Wow! Powerful impact here. Never thought I would encounter abuse. Married late in life to a well establish man, former military, who had many mental issues that surfaced after we got together. Never experience abuse before until I met him. More emotional and mental abuse than anything. But recognized the signs right away. I stayed as long as I could since we had a grand baby to take care of. Once the mother got back on her feet 4 years later,baby went back to her and I packed up, let the house go into foreclosure, and left. I think my issue was I felt sorry for him and wanted him to be a better person. Never happened and I had to give up trying to help him. I've seen lots of friends who stay in abusive relationships, males and females. I don't judge anyone, just pray that one day they can get their life back together and leave the abuse. You can't change people and sometimes their issues are way beyond your pay grade. So stop trying. Sometimes we just have to be selfish and realize yo

Thank you for sharing your story. Your last few sentences are on target. No, judgement but prayer for the person. You can't change people. They do have to want help. Thanks to people here sharing their stories I do have a better understanding. I am thankful you were able to get out and are here.

Bottomline . . . . FEAR & Programming.

That seems to be a common factor. I am also seeing there are ones who don't even have the means or support to leave.

I had just turned 16, he was 28, need I say more :(

Took me 12 years to get out. I wish I had listened to my parents and I wish I had been more honest with them in those years as to how bad it was as they would have got me out, no one had a clue and feeling trapped is the most lonely feeling in the world.

Thank you for sharing your story. 16 wow, age is just another example of how anyone could be a victim. I don't believe it is ever the victim's fault! I am thankful you got out and are here.

I am one that left when abuse was on all levels...

but after 7 years..

my adult children and I were worse off than before..

we are back together after a struggle and I am better off than I was for those 7 years.

So, not the status quo.

Kinda feel like I got in the Hosea thingy.

BTW, worked in Family law in Harris County- TX during the 7 years-- courts I was in - victimized women had children ripped away from them and left with nothing.

Things have changed. No justice in the Family Court, regularly.

So, I decided that the 'abuse' could end if I changed my mind where it would not exist...
I am wife of his youth
I am mother of children
I am honored
I am worthy
I am life giver and nurturer of All things related to my family.
I would recover the things that had been stolen and destroyed from me and my family by the grace of God.

Not a victim.

Thank you for sharing your story. I am thankful you and your children got out.

There are so many different situations in this.
Many are verbal abuse or abusive Narcissistic relationships.
Many are not abuse but circumstances surrounding children.

Nana never suffered ANY physical abuse. My ex had a clear understanding from day one that if he ever laid a hand on me the sob would have to sleep sometime.

Mine turned into a drug addict alcoholic, we had to go thro a period of treatment tries and waiting til the kids finally decided that he would never love them enough to stop.

He was a fried pie years later before he died. There is a point imo when ppl take so many drugs for so long that their mind is simply not recoverable.
His sister was the same. She died of an overdose the night my son was killed in a wreck.

Sending hugs and prayers Nana, thanks for sharing this. You are such an inspiring woman, being such a light to others after so much darkness fell on you. I am proud to call you "fren". :)

Thanks for sharing that Nana. Substance abuse is another situation I could not fathom being in. I am sorry for the loss of your son. Unimaginable. Sending you hugs and prayers.

everyone is different but those i personally know stayed because they were broken to begin with and the mind games played on them makes them believe they cant live

*leave

It’s different for everyone, for some it’s fear of provision , to another it’s traditional ( upbringing) to another it’s love misunderstood, to another it’s lack of confidence, to another it’s guilt by their church beliefs…… I could go on . Not sure there is a short answer. I believe it is a timely question that needs to be addressed, it’s time for woman in that situation to be set free , get their voice back within them and without fear of being punished because of it , starting with changing heart& thoughts beliefs with provision & support material wise . Some friends and I are doing that in the OC area here in Cali have seen tremendous results once the heart& mind beliefs are sorted out .Housing-seems to be the most difficult, working in that as well 🙏❤️

100% agree with everything you have said! Emphasis on " I believe it is a timely question that needs to be addressed, it’s time for woman in that situation to be set free , get their voice back within them and without fear of being punished because of it , starting with changing heart& thoughts beliefs with provision & support material wise ." Thank you for supporting and helping these women. We all need to step up and do our part.

My Ma is now 61 and been with my Pap since she was 16. Hes been awful over the years so much it takes too long to put into words. I left the house at 16. He has mellowed somewhat with age but is still not what I would consider a loving husband. I wish she could have experienced love as it is supposed to be.

Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry for your Ma as well. She has experienced love from you. I know that is not the same love you are talking about. Being loved has had to have helped her survive.

I was a stay at home mom of 4 wonderful kids and financially dependent. I was married for 25 yrs and finally left him 3 years ago. The abuse was more psycological than physical, he threaten to kill me and then commit suicide. It was all about control, he did the shopping, paid the bills, filled my gas tank. All I did was take my kids to school, help with homework, study with them and attended school meetings. Now my oldest is 25 and my yougest 17. I am free, I am alive. Thanks be to God.

Thank you for sharing your story. I am so thankful you were able to get out and are here. Praise God for your testimony!

The response to my question has been eye opening. I just want to thank everyone who has shared their story. I apologize for sounding repetitive as I truly do mean it. It's hard to imagine what many of you have experienced. I am not sure it is possible if you haven't experienced it yourself. Clearly, you are not alone. There are so many of you with similar stories. My hope is there are those that are reading your stories and find hope and help. Please know you are all brave, and beautiful women! You are survivors! You are helping others! I am so thankful you all are here. Blessings to you all

IT'S THAT EVERYDAY THING. EVERYDAY I WILL THING. BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, YOU HAVE BEEN IN IT A WHILE.

Unfortunately, this is true. I was one of them. It is called endorphins addiction and it is harder then heroin addiction. It is deeply connected with relationshio with your parents. It is very hard and painful to accept it, but I manage to escape it. It was years of abuse on every possible level and you feel like you deserve it. Sad thing. I hope every woman find the strength to do the brave thing and just leave

Thank you for sharing. An addiction is also a new perspective. I can't imagine what many of you have experienced. I am thankful you broke free! I hope many more find what they need to do the same. It is highly likely, there are many here who are going through this. You all are very brave to speak out.

I know for me it was my kids and I was a stay at home mom and financially dependent. Plus he scared me. It’s hard but I had my breaking point and finally did it after 16 years back in 2014. Now I am happy and in a wonderful marriage. Still sometimes deal with being self conscious from the emotional abuse I endured but its so much better and the fear I had about him is completly gone. I had more growth in that few years after I left him then in my entire life. It was soul training and I am so much stronger and more happy then I have ever been in my life. I know I can make it through anything now!!

Thank you for sharing your story. 16 years? I don't know how you broke free but you did! That is a long time. I am thankful your story did not end there. You have a beautiful testimony for others.

I had 2 friends who were amazing, smart & stunning women who stayed in abusive relationships. I genuinely had no idea at the time. I was young & didn't recognize the signs of control/manipulation. My husband did see it. I slowly asked indirect questions & would let them know they could stay with us. Both are now in healthy relationships. Only 1 did we help.
My MIL is a different story. She is a closet narcissist & I think she enjoyed the attention she got from it. She grew up in an amazing home & was offered a place + financial support to leave. She still wouldn't leave even for the safety of her children. My husband knew I would absolutely leave if he verbally or physically touched myself or our children. He broke the cycle b/c he understood.
So maybe teaching abusive red flags & listening/being there if you see it?? Doesn't sound like nearly enough.
Yo the victims, please know my ♥️ is not that I like it happened, but that you are loved, valued & supported.

My hubby has also broken the cycle, he lives with so many wounds and is the strongest man I know. Some of his childhood stories haunt me so much.

many do not have a ‘safe space’ to turn too, shelters are not generally on the up and up, i know, ive been in many. finaces are also a big factor, control or using chdren against them. there are many thi gs that come into play but the biggest is having a Real alternative Safe Space.

Thank you for sharing your story. This is mind blowing. Shelters are not on the up and up? The children factor is also an eye opener. I wouldn't have seen that perspective at all. My only perspective was the children are in harms way.

I can speak from experience. Recently left everything because the abuse moved towards my eldest daughter after standing up for myself and refusing to tolerate the behavior. I witnessed my older brother being abused by my father growing up. All while protraying to outsiders that we were a normal, happy, family. I refuse to blame others for my issues and mistakes but, logically, it makes sense now why I put up with it for so long. That was "normal" for most of my life. I didn't recognize any major issues until I was too far in. Once I snapped to what was going on, I felt like it was my job to manage it and deescelate situations since I was the one who made the decision to be there in the first place. I watched my mother manage it for so long. It didn't seem so crazy at the time. I'm not sure how an outsider can help, other than listening when someone is speaking out and asking for help. When family/friends say they don't want to get involved/pick sides, they are picking the wrong side.

Thank you for sharing your story. I am thankful you were able to get out of that situation. Wow, I never even thought of people "staying out of it or not wanting to be involved". I can't comprehend it all. It's time for those that can help to step up. Being silent is unacceptable. That includes when the victims are silent and you can see the truth. There is a failure going on with humanity when we turn a blind eye to people in need of help. You have an amazing story. I thank you again for sharing it. Even that takes courage.

🙏🙏🙏

I was in a very abusive relationship and I'm not sure I can even explain why I stayed. The abuser would often tell me he was going to kill me and how, ywt I fiercely stood by him. I come from a very loving family who respected each other. I don't know why I stayed with him. Looking back, it was as uf I was in a trance, brainwashed to think I was unworthy. My abuser died in an accident and at the time I didn't feel as though I could live without him, to the point that I attempted suicide. I thank God often that He didn’t take me too and I live each day with gratitude. I never understood why a person would stay with an abuser, nor did I ever think I would be in an abusive relationship. I was a strong, independent woman who had a lot going for me. It is still quite surreal to me that I let myself be in that situation. It is very easy to judge, but difficult to understand.

Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry if I sound repetitive by saying that. I am sincere. I think all of you are brave to tell your story. I also think it is good for people to realize they are not alone. There are people here with similar stories. You are all survivors. I am thankful you are here!