Am feeling a bit melancholy. Have come through some struggles in the last 6 months that don't belong in public (and partly as it's not centred on me — privacy of others matters, even those who treat me poorly).

The phase of waking people up so they don't do crazy suicidal sh*t is over. Not quite sure where I am heading at the moment, or where to focus my energies. Missing London, but the place makes me nervous at the moment. Missing friends, but also want time on my own. Missing family, but lots of problems there best left unsaid.

Is the hard part over, or just beginning? I don't know. How do I fit in the world when it's woken up? I don't know. What's the right balance between everyday operational stuff vs big picture thinking? I don't know.

It's been a long war, with some way to go.

Martin you are such a source of inspiration for me as I am sure you are for many others as well. I love, every day, seeing your thoughts and different moods as they spill out onto my computer screen. Hearing you say these things, grabs me and shakes me and says," Hey he is human and feeling the pressure just like the rest of us". I am touched that you feel free enough to share this side of yourself with us. I think of us here as family that have never met but are bound by the belief that we are here to do magical things for the future and you sir are a BIG part of that. I think I can speak for all of us here in saying, we are here to help if we can. Most of the things that seem to be bouncing around in your head, I am afraid we will be of limited help there but please know that if you need to talk shit out, we are ALL here for you sir. GOD Bless you and your situations and THANK YOU for all you do for ALL of us.