I feel a bit paralysed by the possibility of serious crazy sh*t starting at any moment. Makes it hard to plan anything, travel in confidence, engage with the ordinary. Is wrong to live in fear, but anxiety is natural given the horror we have already lived through. It may be infinitely better than the worst timelines, but it’s still sickening.

PTSD needs to be changed to CTSD. There is no post, it’s continuous.

Oh wow. Don't I know it 😭
I am so happy to have my feelings acknowledged by you saying this.

I can't tell my story. First because it wasn't televised and the perpetrator never caught, second because it's hard to tell. I am a very articulate writer and I couldn't even journal it to myself.

It happened when I was 19-21 and I an 53 yrs old now. Now i can tell you this much. I began what i thought was a casual relationship once I dropped out of college. I wasn't working. Moved in with him, but tried to leave after 3 months. He wouldn't let me leave. Wouldn't let me be alone. Would read my mail. Would become violent if I didn't have sex with him 3 or more times a day. Verbally abused me regularly, sometimes physically. When I was finally able to run away, he followed me and caught me. I did it again a second time, he followed me, but i got away. I was pregnant twice and had abortiond, which i deeply regret. Am living a fairly normal married w/kids life now but have panic attacks. T

You are one strong warrior, my fren. You never gave up and you finally got away. You are winning. I'm sure every day is a struggle, but keep reminding yourself of your strength and how far you've come, and shower your family with the real love you so innocently and deservedly craved. You got this! 💪👏🙏💗

Thank you.
I have been fine for years but it caught up to me since I'm genetically predisposed to panic disorder from my mom. So I have PTSD and on antidepressants for 7 years which are starting to become ineffective as of very recently (it happens). I am struggling daily now. Ever since I left home at 19, life has been just a fight. But Jesus is right here with me.

Have you considered microdosing with mushrooms? I don’t myself but have heard that some have found relief from depression with it. I don’t know if it’s really good or bad, maybe something to research.