Am trying to put into words the tension I feel right now (and hoping it gives some catharsis to others who recognise it).
On the one hand there is... never give up... fight for the children... we have come so far and are so near... I have put the work in so enjoy the upside... you were made for this... it's a privilege to experience and participate... you can help so many people... I know this ends well... the best is yet to come.
On the other hand is... I am traumatised... I feel betrayed by those close to me... the dues of Babylon are still arriving... the burden of injustice is so heavy... why are the honest made to hurt so much... everyday tasks seem to have become near impossible efforts... will this waiting ever end... I just want the pain to stop.
My resolution has been to take things a day at a time. When I fall over, rest a while, recover my strength, then carry on. Find the middle way between helpless/hopeless and Atlas Syndrome ("I will save the world — solo").
Wrestling this very thing EVERY FREEKING DAY. Letheragy & apathy for things that I used to enjoy. My neighbor tried to get me to work at noon today in the vegetable garden for an hour, in the south, in June, with high humidity & my heart acting up...not mention ham strung hands from wrongly advertised carpel tunnel surgery results & chronic plantar fasciitis, oh!... the fifth dental absess in 2 years I am self treating, (do I count the chronic Sinuses from a 35 year old deviated septum). Doing all I can physically including driving my mom, my aunt & this neighbor to appointments. So over extended energy wise, I'd file Chapter 13 on being physically bankrupt, if I could. I fully accept there is no help coming....except the cure...& that is the end of this Great Tribulation. Till then, I'll endure the verbal lashings from those who say they care about me, with Jesus help.
The odd thing is spiritually, I have such peace. I thank God every day for open eyes. God ALREADY won! 🕊
