I am feeling the long term stress of this war in my body. It’s like being emotionally waterboarded day after day. Betrayal by family and friends is the hardest part to deal with; unresolved injustice at the personsl level.
Am having to recalibrate my own internal expectations of what I can and should be able to accomplish. Self-care gets more critical. I am getting better at declining things that drain me.
OK, time to sell some XRP so I can pay my rent… ho hum. Am just glad to have a roof and means to live. I will be fine, I expect: have done enough to justify being given “a shed and fed”.
I too am haunted by the memories of lost friends and family, and it is exhausting. I'm haunted by how I handled situations, knowing I did the best I could, wondering if I could have done things differently.
My expectations continue to change year after year. Some 20 years ago, when I began awakening, I wanted to bring everyone into the fold, nobody wanted to follow the breadcrumbs. I couldn't understand why. Time passes, I learn to keep my thoughts to myself. Trauma inducing behavior.
Fast forward and COVID hits, most people still don't see the writing on the wall. My expectations change yet again. I thought for sure most would wake up immediately, after all, it was so obvious to me what was unfolding.
In the end Martin, we will triumph and come out on the other side a people set free. The emotional trauma which has build up will eventually crumble like a dam, and the tears and healing will flow. Stay strong my friend. WWG1WGA
