Am feeling a bit melancholy. Have come through some struggles in the last 6 months that don't belong in public (and partly as it's not centred on me — privacy of others matters, even those who treat me poorly).
The phase of waking people up so they don't do crazy suicidal sh*t is over. Not quite sure where I am heading at the moment, or where to focus my energies. Missing London, but the place makes me nervous at the moment. Missing friends, but also want time on my own. Missing family, but lots of problems there best left unsaid.
Is the hard part over, or just beginning? I don't know. How do I fit in the world when it's woken up? I don't know. What's the right balance between everyday operational stuff vs big picture thinking? I don't know.
It's been a long war, with some way to go.
Agreed. So tired! Im also realizing that I am no longer being driven by fear of any kind really. All the month of Feb was a hellish painful nightmare an the recovery from surgery has not been smooth. now that I am almost completely out of pain, I just feel closer to God and like He is actually carryimg me through this time. It does allow me to step back and watch the movie unfold instead of having anguish about it. Deep breath - I have a feeling so many people will come looking to you for answers that you wont have tome to feel you dont fit in!
