https://buymeacoffee.com/thenarcdiaries/when-control-coercive-subtle

Oh phooey, I wish I wasn't reminded of certain things in my past.
My first marriage lasted a little more than 2 years.
My husband was so abusive, that I wound up feeling that I had to ask permission to go to the bathroom. I was changed beyond recognition, even to myself.
Thank God I got away from him.
My lawyer had to extract my whole story from me, like pulling teeth, because I was so humiliated.
Then she told me that I was lucky to have survived.
I guess our experiences may help us begin to understand what MKULTRA and other victims are up against.
Compassion.

i am so sorry you went through that hell - and happy/relieved you got out. it inspires me to keep going. and yes you do get changed - i was crying about just that very thing today. i want ME back - i want this exhausted traumatized apathetic angry emotional wreck that i became healed and released. i'm tired of being frozen. i'm tired of feeling trapped. i'm tired of asking for help. i'm tired of knowing this comes down to money. i hope the plan changes quickly so housing can become affordable again! i've been putting my request out there for alternative housing - MIL units, extra home on property not being used - talking to people - sharing my story - saying i am needing a break. someone who SEE ME where i am and can help me and my girl. i keep talking about it because so many of us go through this here. took me years - but i finally woke up to the horrible choice i made and what it did to me. as one friend said there are humans and demons here.

You are amazing to be able to write so passionately. Thank you.
I hear you!
And I hope everything gets better for you very, very soon.
Sometimes people say that what we went through made us tough. I refute that.
We weren't made tough by what we went through as the demonic abusers tried to destroy us.
Our strength comes from within.
We were made tough because God made us tough.
One thing:
It doesn't hurt to pray-
When I wanted to give up,
I said to God,
"I don't believe in you, but I need help."
And He helped me, He saved me.
It's ok to ask friends for prayers.
My prayer for you:
I ask God for healing for Victoria so that her real self will emerge, whole and that she has a beautiful new peace and please God give her great solutions for wonderful changes in her life.
PS- My friend told me God wants us to ask Him for help.

thank you for that. absolutely - i pray daily for people to show up who will help me find housing and help me get out. i pray for an increase in income and the money to help me get there. and i pray for our prosperity and $$ abundance to be returned. and YES YES YES - these experiences do NOT make us tough. trauma creates trauma. pain creates pain. i came here Strong. but in this reality there's not just good there's evil and it finds the light to control and terrorize. narc abuse is insidious. i would like to talk with you more offline if you are open to that.