It's like going through a "reverse MKUltra" right now, with deprogramming via lots of barely tolerable traumas with more to come. I am supposed to go to London to be with family over from the USA, but I just can't face being around normies at the moment. They probably think I am slighting them or too busy in my conspiracy cult, but it's just that I don't have the internal emotional resources to put into their madness and the deadly consequences. The saner you get, the more you hurt in an world that's absolutely bonkers.