I have a personal dilemma. I am sat on an invite to be a speaker at an event next year. It involves sharing the stage with other "notables" of the truth and freedom movement.
Part of me has wanted to just become a "digital recluse" and stay away from all public speaking. I am moderately traumatised from the last few years and the nonstop stress involved, and some days I feel paralysingly anxious and low energy as a result. Having a commitment to appear in public looms over me, especially as the time gets near. I don't relish the attention of the masses, or endless correspondence. It's not ideal for my health.
That said, I used to do this kind of presenting for a living, and I am fairly good at it, too. Part of me says go fight the good fight, even if you are a wounded warrior. I kind of played for all the intellectual chips with Q — and won. I have something to say, and a story to tell, which people need to hear. I am not responsible for the others I share a stage with.
I can so relate to your second paragraph Martin. I dream of the day I can leave here and have the peace and privacy I have needed for so long. I've never felt like a stranger in a strange land more than I have the last 6 plus years. I just want to live my life in peace and fulfill my purpose for being here.