I haven't posted anything on AU for months. Anyone else feeling depressed and despondent? I'm interested in the point a person reaches when they lose hope and it no longer seems worth it to go on living. im at that point now and have the means to be out of here in about an hour.
What spiritual consequences are there for people who take their lives? That's really all that's holding me back.

I have fought this same battle time and time again and do more than not. I lost my BFF...my dog 3 months ago and I was so ready to die....i had no purpose to live anymore. Still struggle with that. I will never get over losing her so that battle of living will go on inside me for the rest of my life. For some damn reason, I havent pulled the trigger. People want to accuse you of being selfish if you kill yourself. I dont think that way at all. The misery is what you dont want to deal with and they shouldnt either. NOW with that said...that doesnt mean pull the trigger..it just means..try to find a different place in your mind...and TRY HARD to find some sort of purpose. I have not found mine yet but I am looking. I even gave up talking to God. He took my best friend. WHY? The only thing that got me up everyday. Now I feel like I am just going through the motions of life...until.......cont in comments..

im sorry you lost you friend. i think about how I'll feel when Lulu passes and it frightens me. i depend on her unconditional love so much. And she always seems tuned into my thoughts. How many humans can you say that about? I know it's hard but think of him still with you and try to find another pup to spend time with.
Things just keep getting worse for me. I'm addicted to opiods because I need knee replacement surgery from arthritis and I have severe arthritis in both shoulders. Excruciating pain all day every day. On top of that, ive lost all but 3 of my top teeth due to bad dentists. so eating is a miserable experience too. Tonight i went to the casino to get my mind off things. i hut a light post in a parking lot and dented the bumper. I drive a rental car and but it's overdue by a month, so basically a stolen car. i it a letter saying to return it but now i have damage to fix. Then i lost over $1000 tonight. This might be a message from somewhere to give up. Im almost 70.

David as for your dog i get it completely. Me and my girl was so close. We were connected. I knew what she was thinking all the time. I have never ever loved an animal like i loved her. She was my true love on 4 legs. It has devastated me horribly. And yep..against me really wanting to get another dog,...my daughter talked me into another dog. I kept saying..i dont want another dog. well due to the dogs situation, it was just good to help her. SO for 2 weeks i have a wild young crazy..never lived in a house dog...and she is a ton of work. no manners, all over the place..chewing and digging...SCREAM but shes growing on me. by the time she is old..i will be over your age as well. she might be one of if not the last dog i get. i do have two other dogs and both are seniors and both are not doing so well. One may have cancer. I take her back for a sonogram to see if they can find whats going on with her. shes not breathing well and had a fainting spell. ---> continued

the other one has joint issues (mid back i think) in which i am working on right now...today she has showed a little improvement. we are doing water therapy, chiropractic adjustments and a small dose of some nerve pain meds for her. i do all of this at home. no money out of pocket. i cant afford all of that so i do most myself..which then puts a strain on my body and makes my shoulder hurt more. but it is what it is.......i gotta do what i gotta do..to help them. as for the car..return the car....make pymts to them monthly.... and find you a car at a tote the note place. just know..those people will come get the car if you are a week late. they dont mess around.or save up a couple thousand if you can..and buy a car.. $2000 might be a junker but if it runs...and gets you from point A to point B..thats all that matters. that $1000 you lost could have been for a car or pay for the rental. you sound like you are self destructing. PLEASE STOP...build a better way...forward.