I am genuinely not well and finding it hard to work right now. It frustrates my inner warrior, who wants to battle, but simply cannot. Just have to rest and recuperate. Have managed about an hour at the laptop today before feeling wiped out. Cumulative stress of battle has done me in. Lack of bullets and bombs easily arms the self-critic who says there are no valid invisible wounds in an unseen war. Have to consciously override that internal narrative and reject the self-denigration. It’s OK to have fought myself into a messy mush. More honourable than those who didn’t enter the arena and remain unblemished.
I see you reaching out to the only people that understand what your going through and I find myself wishing I could do more to help because when I hit rock bottom, it was lonely. At the beginning of the pandemic during the "6weeks to flatten the curve" bullshit. I was heavily entrenched into digging up some real shit and threading on Twit. One day I was walking my dog. There was absolutely NO ONE anywhere. People were so scared that the streets were like a ghost town. As I was walking, out of no where this guy comes up to me. Very tall, clean cut, slacks, dress shirt and tie (like an agent). He says "Stay Strong" and walks away. It was very bizarre. Was I being watched somehow? Who was the message from? There is no way that could be a coincidence right? It was a "WTF was that" kind of moment. For what it's worth, that experience helped me through some low moments. "Stay Strong" Martin.
