I am making a big change in my life, for the better. It is not an easy one. The details are appropriately private, but it’s fairly ordinary human failure. It means letting go of unholy comforts and escapes, and allowing higher powers to carry me through the troughs of loneliness, fatigue, and occasional despair.

This is much harder than past challenges like getting into Oxford or writing about Q while being libelled in the national press. I have come to understand, via persistent fault, that there cannot be mind and body solutions to spiritual problems. The holy spirit is a thing, and I have ignored it to my cost.

I simply cannot write about righteousness and spirituality without putting my own house in order. I am all out of excuses. Hypocrisy disgusts me, and there is only so much “field research” you need to do to learn about the enemy’s ways of dulling the pain of trauma they inflict.

AU folk “get it” without the religious zealatory. Not grandstanding my woes, just real.

There comes a time that we all must come to terms with a simple fact. Walking in the half light is still choosing to sleep. We can no longer reconcile the “At least I’m not as bad as them”. The half light, the line between the darkness and the full light is full of deception. Mostly deception of ourselves. We convince ourselves that since we aren’t doing what they do, we can still be a part of their world. We play with the flames and feel the scorching heat and somehow believe that we will escape unscathed.

What you have chosen, won’t be easy. It will lead you to peace and it will be worth it. Somedays, you may not agree with that last part.

Isaiah 43. Where it says Israel and Jacob? Put your name there instead.

Nothing you do or have done will make Abba love you more. Nothing you do or have done has made Him love you less.

He adores you. Always

for your consideration

There came a time that I had to come to terms with a simple fact. Walking in the half light is still choosing to sleep. I could no longer reconcile the “At least I’m not as bad as them”. I learned that the half light, the line between the darkness and the full light, is full of deception. Mostly deception as to my own complicity. I had convinced myself that since I wasn't doing what they do, I could still be a part of their world. I was playing with the flames and felt the scorching heat, and somehow believed that I would escape unscathed.

What I have chosen isn't easy, but it has led me to peace and it is so worth it. Somedays, I may not agree with that last part.

Isaiah 43. Where it says Israel and Jacob? I inserted my name there instead.

Nothing I do or have done will make Abba love me more. Nothing I do or have done has made Him love me less.

He adores me. Always

I offer this, my experience, to you.