What is going on with women who refuse to leave an abusive relationship? I am seriously starting to believe it is some sort of disorder. I don't mean to insult anyone or judge them. No one knows what someone else is going through unless they walk in their shoes. I am genuinely trying to understand. How can people help?
Nana, Direct Internal connection to God, WWG1WWA, MAGA, Angels are here already #FightLikeGodIsBesideYou
There are so many different situations in this.
Many are verbal abuse or abusive Narcissistic relationships.
Many are not abuse but circumstances surrounding children.
Nana never suffered ANY physical abuse. My ex had a clear understanding from day one that if he ever laid a hand on me the sob would have to sleep sometime.
Mine turned into a drug addict alcoholic, we had to go thro a period of treatment tries and waiting til the kids finally decided that he would never love them enough to stop.
He was a fried pie years later before he died. There is a point imo when ppl take so many drugs for so long that their mind is simply not recoverable.
His sister was the same. She died of an overdose the night my son was killed in a wreck.
Thanks for sharing that Nana. Substance abuse is another situation I could not fathom being in. I am sorry for the loss of your son. Unimaginable. Sending you hugs and prayers.
Nana, Direct Internal connection to God, WWG1WWA, MAGA, Angels are here already #FightLikeGodIsBesideYou
Don't get me wrong I do have empathy for ppl on drugs, but at the same time, with my ex and many other ppl thr out my life I have known I learned very quickly that if you want to help them you first have to realize a couple of FACTS & you have little affect on the results.
1. YOU can not make them stop, not thro force or love or any other means. It is a choice THEY ALONE have to make for themselves. Period. Full Stop!
2. Depending on their own constitution, you have to accept that it is a 50/50 shot of whether they will make that choice to stop & the consequences to themselves & to you if they chose not to stop.
As I mentioned if they choose not to stop they will eventually physically harm their brain &/or body to the point that survival will no longer be a choice they have control to make.
3. Either way you MUST not enable them & you MUST save yourself. You should make plans on the front end for how you or you& your children, if you have them, will survive without him or her.
Wise advice Nana from one who has lived it and is here to tell her story. Thank you
Thanks hun, it is just truth.
People have to WANT to save themselves, we can't make them whether your speaking of drugs, or even waking up.
One of the most impressive sayings that I have heard in this whole thing the last for years was Thor hon when he told Elena that,
"It is impossible to free people that refuse to let go of their chains"
People with addictions are the same.
Thanks for your wisdom Nana. I started this post out of frustration. The victim doesnt want out. They want to stay with the abuser. She has been offered a safe way out with all the provisions for her and her kids. This is why I asked why women stay when they are able to get out. I am just praying they will all survive her choice.
Nana, Direct Internal connection to God, WWG1WWA, MAGA, Angels are here already #FightLikeGodIsBesideYou
Nana does not advocate just giving up on what I feel is a lifetime commitment, "marriage" all willy nilly, don't get me wrong.
I was married for 25 yrs.
Pple have asked me many times whether they should leave their spouse. I have listened to many sad stories of marriage problems from frens over the years over infidelity, money, narcissism, etc...
I tell them all the same thing.
How do you know it is time to get a divorce?
It is not really about love or money or children or anything like that.
When you lose RESPECT for the person you are married to, imho, you should probably face that you are done and decide how to calmly separate in the way that causes the least amount of pain for all parties involved.
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