"work" is getting harder and harder to do day by day... something's gotta give. Maybe I've got a permanent case of the Mondays, or maybe I was made for something bigger than this...
Older & wiser. Have the scars to prove it.
It is what it is…a marathon of treading water in a sea of shit. My best days are when I don’t fight against it & just surrender to the fact that other than prayer there is no way to influence things out of my control. A lesson learned when I had an emergency breathing issue several years back. Had bronchitis for several days which more often than not involves my vocal chords most times & as much as I know to rest my voice people still will talk to me expecting my response. So, my husband comes in that evening, says something to me and I reply (frog incarnate) and I proceed to start coughing. I could tell it wasnt normal coughing from the get go, but mistakenly thought it was an asthma attack & asked my Husband to get my rarely used inhaler. By the time he got it to me I was non stop coughing, getting little air & feeling sick. Made my way to toilet & got on my hands and needs violently coughing not getting any air. I finally asked my husband to call our nephew, a paramedic.
Older & wiser. Have the scars to prove it.
He tells me if I am not getting enough air to call 911. My husband does but by the time they get there I am so oxygen depleted I’m in the fetal position at the toilet and they have to drag me out, semi conscious but still coughing. Didn’t even recognize my nephew. Got hauled to the ER, got my clothes cut off me, barely remember talk of a helo ride if they couldnt figure out what was wrong & get my heart rate down. Finally (I think the Dr gave it his best shot) & gave me a shot for severe allergic reaction I think it was. And the coughing gradually subsided. Days later I did some research and diagnosed myself. Vocal Chord Disfunction. Mine were so inflamed that talking and forcing air over them caused them to spasm and close shut everytime I inhaled/spoke this the coughing to try to disloge what my body thought was a blockage.
Anyway, I can’t begin to describe the struggle & before I lost the ability to think I realized there was a real possibity I was gonna die. As I was losing consciousness I found myself in this impenetrable whiteish fog and I started looking for my dad cause at this point, I firmly believed “I wasn’t in Kansas” anymore. But the fog wouldn’t let me pass even though I was wanting to go on. In the mean time I get scraped off the floor, strapped to a gurney, put on oxygen & taken to ER. The point is the inner struggle ended when I surrendered. Inside I was so peaceful while outside I was coughing convulsively with my whole body trying to rid the blockage. Couple hours later I go home feeling like I been hit by a mack truck…but alive. Trust me, the worst part of the whole event didn’t happen to me. My nephew was helping cut my clothes off so they could get heart monitors on me and God only knows what else. 😂 I don’t rem but I bet he wishes he could forget!🤣
