I no longer believe in God because I fear damnation.

At one time that may have been the case but it is not so now.
I believe in God because through my long years I have tried to be a good man and time and time again I have failed. I have seen my deeds done with the best intentions turn into acts of hate and destruction.
I do not have the ability to become the man I truly wish to be, the man who longs for God and walks the righteous path. I am not that man, not now, not ever. It is only through God and with his help that I can ever hope to be anything close. This is the reason I believe in God.
I know that I would not want to be something better if there were not already something better to show me the way.
I seek forgiveness and knowledge because I want to be better with every fiber of my being. But I can not alone.
To know I am loved when I find myself unworthy of it is Godly.
This is why I believe.
May the Lord help us all become righteous.

I know the feeling.
It has been said before ; it is not the world that is broken...it is me, " I am broken ".
I cannot fix or undo what I have done in the past. I can try all I want to be the right person, but I fall short because those expectations are mine and not of God. He has given me the ability and strength to do good things. I should have been lying in a ditch somewhere many years ago, instead I have had many chances to make things right. I do not fear God, that is the opposite of love. Rather I love God and look to see his face. I feel an energy or warmth as if standing in sunshine, when I am truly seeking and praying. God be with you, James.