Yeah bud I'm hearin ya. Worldwide every single person is being put through the hardest tests of their lives. It is brutal. I know that your wife meant the world to you and she helped you through all that stuff and made the PTSD decrease. When my ex left with the girls it ripped every bit of the fuck all that I had left away from me, the only way I got through was knowing I had to keep my sh!t together for my girl. Just take it day at a time bro even moment by moment as anything beyond that is just too much. I know it sounds cliche but try everything from meditation to standing barefoot on grass ,, every little thing helps pass those moments. You have got brighter just over the last 3 weeks ,, just keep going on that path and have full faith in yourself as you are strong enough to get through this bit even though you feel you are not. The energies that are coming through are designed to bring up all this stuff so we can process them in preparation for the brave new world we are forging.