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What you are facing will test what you are made of. You're never alone. Pray frequently, give God your problems and ask him to show you the way, whatever the cost. I suggest a 3 day fast if you don't have to work. Deny the flesh and get closer to God. He'll pave the way for you. We are all praying for you but YOU must walk through the fire in order to become what you were meant to be.
20 years of seeing through the matrix has brought me here. Jesus is Lord.
Further, you are in hell right now. The good news is, you have the keys but perhaps don't understand how to unlock the gate. We are all here to show you that on the other side of Jesus is hope, love, happiness, etc. May I suggest a youtube channel to uplift you and guide you. Jacob Israel is his name and the message is one of hope and redemption.