I'm tired of pretending there are good men out there. If they are out there, they're all married, gay or dead. There are none for me.

And don't give me "just pray on it" bullshit, because I've been praying for 10 years and I've gotten nothing but losers. God doesn't work for people like me.

I have found in my life that whenever I adopt the attitude that something is impossoble, it usually is impossible. But, if I had a positive attitude going in, and never once let myself think I couldn't achieve something, I have been able to do what I set out to do.

I always go in with a positive attitude and come out miserable and with more emotional trauma.

You became miserable before reaching your goal, so that would be the time to regroup, force the negativity away, and form a new strategy. Not to give up. Make adjustments to your way of thinking. Only you can adjust your thinking.
Too many people doubt themselves long before they reach their goal. If you quit before you reach your goal there is noone on earth that can help you reach that goal.

True. I just hate when I have to start all over again. It shouldn't be this hard to find a decent man lol

The ones worth finding are worth the wait, believe me.
My husband of 18 years died in 1999 from lung cancer. I joined the volunteer Fire Company on the EMS side.
My probationary officer lost his wife a month earlier from the same. We did not know each other personally, JHe did CPR on her all the way to the hospital, and through calls we did interact frequently.
This probationary officer was an Paramedic, and a Firefighter, as well as volunteering in his hometown. He has been my husband now for more than 20 years.
They are out there. Go to places you can see you and HIM enjoying together in the future, and go out there and get HIM.

I'm sorry about your husband 😔 I'm glad you found someone, though.

You can too. Just do it. I know you can if I did.

I'm going to try my best ❤️

From your profile picture I can see you are a beautiful woman.
Many men have trouble approaching beautiful women. The time will come for you. You are still quite young.
Put youurself out there, and be approachable, but don't be afraid to make the first move and ask someone out on a date.