I will keep you in my prayers, Fren.
Remember you are not alone.
The only one that is in control of you is your self.
It is just a Question of free Will to be sad or happy even under heavy Burdens.
You earn nothing from being sad.
Every unique Moment counts, so enjoy the Gift of Live and Creation.
To do Good is the most Difficult Task in this Realm of Illusions and Evil.
Your unique Spirit, Intelligence, Wisdom, Humor and for sure a bit "weaponized Autism" are your unique Excalibur.
God bless You and all of You.
Keep it going...Truth is coming.