Like most anons, I feel exhausted, but locating the tiredness is hard. It's not physical, but mental, and emotional. To overcome it, I have to keep on reaching into my own moral foundation, reject my own urge to self-destruct (and end the pain), and look forward to a day when I can fully express myself in service to all without artificial limits. If you have the faith we will prevail and these minuscule acts of perseverance and defiance have meaning, then you can carry on. It is often a trivial action — admin, housework, self-care — that needs to be given focus and energy. In many ways they are harder than the obvious and grandiose acts of opposition to the demoralisation and oppression we are constantly subjected to.
From what I've seen, you've been doing the right thing, Martin! The cost of doing that has always been alienization from the group you'd like to be with, be it work colleagues, relatives or school buddies. It's all clown world programming in an attempt to force all through the same mold and make us afraid to make changes. It all will affect your personality over time. Much love, you'll get through it!
My question to you is, are you ready for the next stage? Are you ready to leave that baggage behind? Think it is not possible? Remember, with God, everything is possible.
You are getting ready when you start to see syncs personal to you. That's the wake up cue.
