It's so true. Very little of what anyone complains about is about the other person. Dr. Harville can prove this. Just about every thing you think or judge of someone else is your projections onto them. Projections that you keep within yourself and can identify with. You have no idea where the other person is coming from if you don't listen intently to them to get to know them. Your relationships always become you projecting you, if you aren't willing to listen. Truly empathetic people are able to listen to others, they don't guess what someone else is feeling by projecting.You don't grow if you don't become curious to know the true person behind your partner or others.