"The financial system just collapsed!" — "About time!"
"There's no internet or power on!" — "No worries, just temporary!"
"The sky is filled with alien spaceships!" — "Soon will pass!"
"The shops are all shut!" — "Plenty stocked up!"
"WW3 has begun!" — "Cool it, is all fake for normies!"
"I can suddenly communicate telepathically!" — "Hold on a minute, busy right now!"
"XRP just hit $10,000" — "WHOAH GIVE ME THAT SO I CAN JUST CHECK…"

Not much surprises anons, but some things can excite still.