I have written before about living with an HIV diagnosis: https://newsletter.martingeddes.com/p/the-joy-of-death — and it's an ongoing frustration taking pills (and having to worry about running out of them) when I don't know if the condition even exists, whether they do me any good or harm, whether the disease (if it's real) could be easily cured, or whether I should just abandon treatment and try living as healthily as I can.

There are so many conflicting opinions, and I just don't have the expertise, energy, or motivation to pick through it all. Allegedly I am "undetectable" and therefore "untransmissable", but that could be as valid as your Covid jab's "benefits". I don't trust the pharma companies or doctors, but from a socio-sexual point of view I can at least claim to be adhering to the necessary regime to not be a threat to others.

For a long time I found this world rather burdensome, so didn't give a fig about looking after myself; longevity was actively unwanted.

Your people studies are lovely, but the roundabout (carousel) photo, is beautiful... did you use photoshop, or was that achieved 'in lense'?

A shot that belongs on the wall.

Your articulations are controlled and succinct.

My observation: When we create, we have a certain control over what is generated. (Sometimes we get a pleasant surprise too 😊).

Creation, in a sense, gives us some control back, when faced with a circumstance we have NO control over (your illness, for instance, or your families attitudes).

We humans seek ways to put that which we cannot direct, into perspective, by saying, "You I may not harness - but this, I can." Our minds are calmed, and our bodies follow its lead.

This, I believe, is the most beneficial thing you can do for yourself. Find the thing that calms your mind, amid this sea of things, outside of your control.

Your power lies there.

There is nothing I can say or do, that will help your situation - but I hope you continue to create.