I have written before about living with an HIV diagnosis: https://newsletter.martingeddes.com/p/the-joy-of-death — and it's an ongoing frustration taking pills (and having to worry about running out of them) when I don't know if the condition even exists, whether they do me any good or harm, whether the disease (if it's real) could be easily cured, or whether I should just abandon treatment and try living as healthily as I can.
There are so many conflicting opinions, and I just don't have the expertise, energy, or motivation to pick through it all. Allegedly I am "undetectable" and therefore "untransmissable", but that could be as valid as your Covid jab's "benefits". I don't trust the pharma companies or doctors, but from a socio-sexual point of view I can at least claim to be adhering to the necessary regime to not be a threat to others.
For a long time I found this world rather burdensome, so didn't give a fig about looking after myself; longevity was actively unwanted.
The joy of death - by Martin Geddes
Coming to terms with weaponised mortality (in a very personal way)
https://newsletter.martingeddes.com/p/the-joy-of-death
I think you are doing good. Dont stop medicines all at once. Maybe slowly cutting back would give you some insight about how you feel as you go along. Remember, medical help is coming soon for all of us. Just hang on a bit more
