I have written before about living with an HIV diagnosis: https://newsletter.martingeddes.com/p/the-joy-of-death — and it's an ongoing frustration taking pills (and having to worry about running out of them) when I don't know if the condition even exists, whether they do me any good or harm, whether the disease (if it's real) could be easily cured, or whether I should just abandon treatment and try living as healthily as I can.

There are so many conflicting opinions, and I just don't have the expertise, energy, or motivation to pick through it all. Allegedly I am "undetectable" and therefore "untransmissable", but that could be as valid as your Covid jab's "benefits". I don't trust the pharma companies or doctors, but from a socio-sexual point of view I can at least claim to be adhering to the necessary regime to not be a threat to others.

For a long time I found this world rather burdensome, so didn't give a fig about looking after myself; longevity was actively unwanted.

That is very heavy cloud to have hanging over ya fren. I cannot imagine all of it but i can relate to the runnin out of pills scarin ya. My kiddo has thyroid problem that requires meds otherwise she goes into thyroid storm and that was fkn scarry. If the world goes to sheit, that is my biggest fear.

As we say round these here parts, Martin, you're one tough sumbitch. :)