I have written before about living with an HIV diagnosis: https://newsletter.martingeddes.com/p/the-joy-of-death — and it's an ongoing frustration taking pills (and having to worry about running out of them) when I don't know if the condition even exists, whether they do me any good or harm, whether the disease (if it's real) could be easily cured, or whether I should just abandon treatment and try living as healthily as I can.

There are so many conflicting opinions, and I just don't have the expertise, energy, or motivation to pick through it all. Allegedly I am "undetectable" and therefore "untransmissable", but that could be as valid as your Covid jab's "benefits". I don't trust the pharma companies or doctors, but from a socio-sexual point of view I can at least claim to be adhering to the necessary regime to not be a threat to others.

For a long time I found this world rather burdensome, so didn't give a fig about looking after myself; longevity was actively unwanted.