Someone I care about is 5x jabbed. A former lover/boyfriend. I would like to see him again (socially), but without knowing the truth about the jabs, and having a shared reality, it's hard to do. I hope to console him when the time comes.
His situation is unusual, as he has multiple painful disabilities, and is in mental health care for wanting to leave this world to end the pain. He's got his faults, but his nurturing nature (animals and plants) is endearing to me.
I understand the "need to know" and that we have to cross this painful "knowing threshold" together as humanity. It still hurts being in the dark somewhat about how bad it will get, and what the prognosis is.
I can’t allow myself to contemplate things outside my control. Not enough of me to go around on a good day, so I leave other people’s decisions to them & God. Praying earnestly is all I have found that gives me peace.
Surrendering control over other people (or the notion I had any) was/is the hardest thing to do.
Take control of every thought.
(Or they will turn on you.)
