I often reflect on the weird position I find myself in. I am a civilian, and yet somehow put myself near the (publicly visible) apex of the greatest military op ever. Nothing important depends on me, but everything depends on people like me standing up. I am not risking my life in a DUMB, yet I am in one of the most exposed forward positions — and a named target by the enemy in their propaganda. There's no real bravery, because all I did was stand and hold the line when my peers ran away; no advancing into live fire. Yet they still ran away, and I didn't. As one of the most prominent "QAnon conspiracy theorists" it's a wonder my family has held together at all, yet I have managed the agonising wait to keep myself together and just wait for events to take their course. For years I have known it's one for the history books, but never know when the war might end and the writing of the story begins. Endlessly paradoxical and contradictory experience.