When I struggle to focus and get work done I have to engage self-compassion; the anxiety comes from trauma, and I am not lazy or weak for experiencing it. Small administrative tasks (we're talking silly stuff like updating my credit card on an art website) can trip me up, as everything "administrative" is now hostile and provocative.
It feels pathetic, until you remember that "administration" has been enslaving us all and killing our loved ones. Silent weapons can leave you "self-gaslighting" as you deny your own invisible wounds.
When I feel a freeze response it can snowball, as I then worry about doing what needs to be done and earning a living. It is very hard for me to just accept I have done enough already and if I have to coast for a bit and just be looked after by supporters then that's not a failure.
A collapsed financial system would paradoxically make the economic side of all this much easier to deal with.
I get it Martin. I have 'form-itis', triggered by having to fill out endless forms, having to follow up and perform admin tasks because mistakes on files and lack of care delay us from getting support. I have that freeze response in my study and in getting simple admin jobs done. I get it. 100%.
Tackling bits at a time, I'm praying about it, looking for supps to support me. Starting Lion's Mane today for cognitive responses.
