When I struggle to focus and get work done I have to engage self-compassion; the anxiety comes from trauma, and I am not lazy or weak for experiencing it. Small administrative tasks (we're talking silly stuff like updating my credit card on an art website) can trip me up, as everything "administrative" is now hostile and provocative.
It feels pathetic, until you remember that "administration" has been enslaving us all and killing our loved ones. Silent weapons can leave you "self-gaslighting" as you deny your own invisible wounds.
When I feel a freeze response it can snowball, as I then worry about doing what needs to be done and earning a living. It is very hard for me to just accept I have done enough already and if I have to coast for a bit and just be looked after by supporters then that's not a failure.
A collapsed financial system would paradoxically make the economic side of all this much easier to deal with.
You have posted my own frustrations friend. The ability to even create is not there. Administrative duties are abhorrent to me now after so much disruptive de-platforming. I'm still censored.
Making peace with this has been my hardest hurdle to overcome. I'm still walking through its frustration. God knows. He hears me daily in this. ❤
The disconnect from their matrix is an imbalance for all of us. This is why we need each other.
