When I struggle to focus and get work done I have to engage self-compassion; the anxiety comes from trauma, and I am not lazy or weak for experiencing it. Small administrative tasks (we're talking silly stuff like updating my credit card on an art website) can trip me up, as everything "administrative" is now hostile and provocative.
It feels pathetic, until you remember that "administration" has been enslaving us all and killing our loved ones. Silent weapons can leave you "self-gaslighting" as you deny your own invisible wounds.
When I feel a freeze response it can snowball, as I then worry about doing what needs to be done and earning a living. It is very hard for me to just accept I have done enough already and if I have to coast for a bit and just be looked after by supporters then that's not a failure.
A collapsed financial system would paradoxically make the economic side of all this much easier to deal with.
I get that, I have been apathetic to all 'worldly' chores for a couple of years now. You should see the pile of mail I can't be bothered to open even one because it all seems so pointless. All this bullshit just going away would be so sweet but it seems less and less likely every day because so many people just depend on the status quo to make things go around. I don't want to go back to being part of that world.I don't think I could.
