When I struggle to focus and get work done I have to engage self-compassion; the anxiety comes from trauma, and I am not lazy or weak for experiencing it. Small administrative tasks (we're talking silly stuff like updating my credit card on an art website) can trip me up, as everything "administrative" is now hostile and provocative.
It feels pathetic, until you remember that "administration" has been enslaving us all and killing our loved ones. Silent weapons can leave you "self-gaslighting" as you deny your own invisible wounds.
When I feel a freeze response it can snowball, as I then worry about doing what needs to be done and earning a living. It is very hard for me to just accept I have done enough already and if I have to coast for a bit and just be looked after by supporters then that's not a failure.
A collapsed financial system would paradoxically make the economic side of all this much easier to deal with.
Feel the same every so often! I am comfortable with confrontations... if needed... but procrastinate going to my bank for cash because I know I will lose it with them if they give me any fuckology! And I don't want to deal with the stress of it. Got put on unpaid leave for non-compliance, emailed the governor with some documents, got it back... but tired of having to fight every single minute!!!
