This week is just difficult, spent last Christmas in hospital bedside, watching my dad die slowly until he passed Boxing day morning.

Got crappy news yesterday that seems to have dashed all hopes of escaping this crackhead community in which we live in fear daily and are threatened in our own home, my kids will suffer this trauma for life and its all my fault for not having the means to escape.

All I dream of is property with no neighbours, peace and quiet to grow food to share with others who need it, to show others via free workshops how to grow food, preserve food, grow and make natural medicines.

My mental health has never been this bad, recent experience of being threatened with a knife by junkie neighbour has stirred up my ptsd that I have had mostly under control for the last 8 years (from an abusive relationship I was in since I was 15).

Why does it all come down to money?!

I feel like a complete failure and have lost all hope.

Oh how I hear your words and feel your pain. I am so sorry about your dad. And having ptsd stirred up (i know what that is like). I've been stuck as well all due to money and the mental fatigue and anger I feel at times over that is overwhelming. You are NOT a failure. You are a Bright Light of God living in a shitty matrix run by/created by evil. Jesus - who isn't going through their own personal hell atm? I pray you SEE how beautiful you are - your vision is so wonderful - and I align with it very much (i too want out of my city - property in a rural area - to just. live. freely. and. peacefully). NEVER GIVE UP! If you need to talk, please d/m me.