"Those u Trust the most"...thats how they get us. Ur experiences are much like the rest of us...maybe only details vary. And ur soo right about the only way left to look is up. Its commendable to strive to "live by example"...and what makes it harder is failing at any level seems and feels like total failure, but its not. Be not ur biggest and harshest critic...be ur inner support system...and dont imagine that u must change entirely who u are, were, or continue to be...that part is God's work in u. Just meet ur daily needs of food, rest, and hope. I imagine the "wall of authority" ur battling is soul crushing to say the least...and psychologically damaging. We all experience that in various degrees and scale. Chose ur battles...and remember Sun Tzu's teaching: U decide when and where the battle happens...it has been won before it begins...or lost. Decide if NOW is the best time to play ur battle cards. Some u may only play once...and u dont want to miss the target(s). Be as free af.🤍