I have to remind myself that the people still paying me on Substack while I take a break need me to be well more than they need me to urgently write. The multiplying traumas of this war have inflicted real damage on me, to which I have added plenty of self-inflicted wounds. I would prefer to be visibly productive, but the work right now is to sever unhealthy places, relationships, and habits. Takes all I have got, and still feel wobbly.
Whatever my wastes and woes, humanity has had a pretty reasonable deal out of me for 5 years. What I have had to do is very abnormal, and there is a point where you degrade rather than develop from being stressed and stretched. Have plenty to say when the time is right. Need to stabilise myself and my living conditions before turning the creative output back on.
My crazy + world crazy = too much crazy.
Are you keeping a personal journal? It helps to write it down, the worse of it all... get it out and leave it there, move on to find things that bring you peace. After enough time, go back to read it... might be something worth sharing, if not make a bonfire and watch it burn.
