I have to remind myself that the people still paying me on Substack while I take a break need me to be well more than they need me to urgently write. The multiplying traumas of this war have inflicted real damage on me, to which I have added plenty of self-inflicted wounds. I would prefer to be visibly productive, but the work right now is to sever unhealthy places, relationships, and habits. Takes all I have got, and still feel wobbly.
Whatever my wastes and woes, humanity has had a pretty reasonable deal out of me for 5 years. What I have had to do is very abnormal, and there is a point where you degrade rather than develop from being stressed and stretched. Have plenty to say when the time is right. Need to stabilise myself and my living conditions before turning the creative output back on.
My crazy + world crazy = too much crazy.
My husband took off from work for two years during his awakening/covid. My future son in law (who is a popular You Tuber) has been dragging this past year as his life was upended as well. He recently did a video about his journey and he had an outpouring of love in 24 hrs from his supporters and fans. I love my husband more everyday for getting his soul straightened out and aligned with mine. All will be forgiven and you'll be welcomed back and cheered for working on yourself. Nothing is more attractive than a man who owns his issues and works to resolve them. You are loved and worthy and it's never too late.
