Any kind of interaction with any authority that has maimed or stolen is feeling very heavy and draining. The old system keeps making its bureaucratic demands, but I find myself having a trauma freeze response to trivial things. It’s getting like shellshock but without any shrapnel.
I am supposed to write and make beauty in order to justify getting paid by those who subscribed, but I am not in that place right now. Over and over I fall, for years, and each time there is a fight inside to stand up again. Maybe that’s all I can document, so it isn’t hidden away.
Part of me says my problems are all of my own making. Another part excuses my failings because of the persecutory context, and my weariness of carrying a very public and personal burden of dissent. The spiritual war is to keep the desire to live to see another day stronger than the one to self-destruct.
Last week was really bad. I guess all that matters is avoiding more damage so I can fight on another day.
time out martin allow yourself that peace ...btw im in cumbria and have a spare room if u need a break ..no strings .you might also benifit from a bioresonance scan can help to re balance the body..but what ever know that we are with u .nearby wasdale and eskdale available to absorb nature... we need to re boot to fight another day ..when those doing the control nonsense have been surficiently weakened to fall over and retreat when we challenge them.....weve got this such great things around the corner..
