I am on holiday this week in Wales with the same old friends I have gone away with at New Year for over 30 years. It is a bittersweet experience right now, as we were once very aligned in our lives and outlooks, but those have drifted over time, and I am definitely the purple platypus of the group.
I can see how I have grown spiritually, intellectually, morally — without claiming to be righteous, better, or even virtuous. It is just a matter of being able to perceive some higher aspects of consciousness, especially how deception and manipulation can hijack our spirit. Engagement with evil forces you to up your game, like it or not.
I don't want to see any of my friends suffer, but I know that they have made some unfortunate choices, and trusted some wicked sources and institutions. The familiarity of the annual holiday ritual is comforting, yet at the same time draining and distressing as I have to tiptoe around "difficult" subjects.
I find myself these days around friends in gathering situations where I look around and think to myself, "why am I even here?" I don't fit in and I don't really don't know these people or this life anymore. I had an experience back when all the mask wearers were in the stores and for whatever reason I stopped and it was like time started to go in slow motion and I was looking around and i thought how alone I felt because I don't belong here. I'm very thankful for finding a place to fit in here and be able to just breathe and feel comfortable. I know we're going to get through this and we will be better than we even knew we could be.
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