When@vincentkennedy said anons will have PTSD when all is said and done, that really hit home. The superficial image of psychological, biological, information, and spiritual warfare is "clean". But that's just the "silent weapon fallacy" — it's every bit as barbaric as any other kind of war, and the wounds are mostly invisible. I am not the person i was at the outset, mostly in good ways, but I am also brutalised and bruised. The isolation, pervasiveness, and depravity of it definitely wear you down.
I agree 100%.
My wife constantly asks me “what’s wrong?”.
I say “nothing is wrong” yet, my mind is racing 1000 mph in 100 different directions.
In my family (immediate & extended) I’m the black sheep.
I use to be very social.
Now, I’m more content being on my own.
I too am not the same person I was in the past but I believe it’s for the better.
Whatever I endure or suffer, it was meant to be.
There is shite I wish I never saw, heard or read.
Let these be my war wounds & I’ll wear them with pride and that knowing collectively, we made a difference in this war.
I am not alone.
We are not alone.
Love & respect to all anons.
I feel ya brother. Everything you just said. Jusst yesterday my wife asked the same question followed by you look depressed.
I told her my brains are fried. And kinda laughed and smiled at her. Got up and gave her a hug. 40+ years her and I. She can read me like a book. All I said was, honey this shit has been front and center of our lives for damn near 10 yrs. I am weary. I am tired, and ready for a change. My only relief comes at night as she goes to bed first. I go in hit my knees and I tell God all my problems and worries. Sometimes 20 or 30 mins. And he listens very quietly to every word I say. Never questions or interupts me even once. In fact I have fallen asleep on my knees head resting in my hands on the bed. Brother all my problems are still there when I wake up. But I always have a hope that he will help me through another day. And so far he has.
You are correct. You, we are not alone in this. He is right here beside us through it all. Without fail he is there. Use him.
