I sometimes wonder what it is like for those who sit behind the veil of "classified anonymous plausible deniability" watching people like me out in public. My role is unencumbered by any institutional baggage, but also very exposed in terms of public visibility. In some ways it is dead easy — no secrets to keep, no promises to the boss, do what I please — bit in others it is epically hard.
For me the strange thing is being in Britain but culturally connected to Americans (or off-worlders pretending to be American), and not obviously being exposed to my local patriot compatriots at the same level. It is hard to gauge the size of the "uncertain unknown" and whether I am making a fool of myself at times.
It is pretty obvious that I wrote some of the definitive stuff on Q at the time, which has longevity beyond that moment in time, so it will be combed over in future. But I can only guess at the scope of the war still, and the crazy possibilities of quantum tech and time travel.
i'd doubt anyone (who matters) is judging you Martin - you've achieved kudos in the fields you chose.
As for "belonging"in one's milieu... prob an issue for most of us?
You prob feel more "visible" but you ARE diong what you think is right ( watch all yr vids n read yr articles with grt interest) - key is you are still fully active in your self imposed role n doing a great job - commendable imo.
just a few thoughts fwiw