it's hard for me too - how do you keep trusting in something that you've been conditioned *not to believe or trust* your entire life? i doubt it and myself DAILY.
BUT there are 2 things that are etched into my soul's brain's soulbrain - 1.) satan's greatest work of mind-fuckery is ensuring that we question whether or not he actually exists
2.) certain people and places have always had a 'different' feeling, a different vibration, and left a different kind of impression on me - there's no earthly explanation for some things i REGULARLY EXPERIENCE. things like the power of the universe and collective consciousness...these beliefs are aligned with all the shit i wasn't able to understand before.