I never thought I would feel such deep grief and I just dont know how to heal, how do you even heal from loosing your dad when he was such an important part of your life?

If I had to live the previous year and a half up until December, on an infinite loop with all the pandemic bullshit, just to have him in my life, I would do it in a heart beat.

My Dad passed in July 2020 (my Mom in 2013). I had been living with & taking care of him for 6-1/2 years. The first 6-9 months was the hardest for me. I'm not sure you ever really "get over" losing a parent or a grandparent, especially when you're very close to them.... but you come to accept it. I'm no longer anyone's little girl.

Your dad is very lucky he had you to care for him, I can only begin to imagine the pain of loosing both parents.

I certainly havent accepted it yet, the dreams and nightmares are still haunting me and I keep thinking 'oh I will just call and ask dad, he will know what to do'.