sorry Joey about your marriage. unfortunately it is just the way we were all raised in the world as we know it. Having been a believer all my life and faithful to church. Various ones. I thought it necessary too. A couple years ago I begin to see things differently and believe that God is doing a great move which seems ironic, but he is pulling people out of the church buildings and his remnant, The true church, he is preparing for what lies ahead: the greatest revival that’s ever hit the earth. you are not alone. There are many many believers experiencing the same feelings. It is good you do not badmouth your wife, ex-wife. That is commendable. Keep listening to your heart and following God because things will change. You will soon realize that you were never alone you’re just part of Hods great plan.