Good news. In my life's movie, currently a romcom, Im at the part where the love of my life ( currently separated) says "get your shit together" I as a believer of long odds take this as very positive indeed.

Now to the getting my shit together part.
it's going to be stupid difficult
or maybe that's just me holding me back
but the truth is I haven't worked since the year before covid
and that year I was in jail for improprieties, and I'm registered now for life because of it. Of course I'm sorry and not because of the consequences. I should have been better, and asked for help way before fuckit. The mitigating factors did play a major part but I could have said I was struggling after the abortion, concussion, drugs and booze to to cope.
It's all over and I gave up everything and nearly died by my own will.
it's a big hill to climb, and she will lose more family than I can give her back.
But I love her and it is not selfish to fight for your love and happiness.