oh Hope.. please ask God for peace for yourself and take away all your pain.. i will also pray for you as you ARE so worthy of life and a beautiful future.. it is coming very very soon and after waiting for 4 years what is left is minimal. talk to God. he will listen. tell HIM all your troubles and ask for a way to get them all resolved even if one at a time.. you are loved by your family. your family loves you.. you feel obligated to please them but not yourself. that is not your job, its theirs. let it be for you only without guilt. its not easy but it will help you go forward. God isnt ready for you as he wants to show you theres too much beauty ahead to enjoy..heaven is on earth Hope.. right here if you want to find it...blessings of love and light... always