This week is just difficult, spent last Christmas in hospital bedside, watching my dad die slowly until he passed Boxing day morning.
Got crappy news yesterday that seems to have dashed all hopes of escaping this crackhead community in which we live in fear daily and are threatened in our own home, my kids will suffer this trauma for life and its all my fault for not having the means to escape.
All I dream of is property with no neighbours, peace and quiet to grow food to share with others who need it, to show others via free workshops how to grow food, preserve food, grow and make natural medicines.
My mental health has never been this bad, recent experience of being threatened with a knife by junkie neighbour has stirred up my ptsd that I have had mostly under control for the last 8 years (from an abusive relationship I was in since I was 15).
Why does it all come down to money?!
I feel like a complete failure and have lost all hope.
Io ho seppellito mio padre il 31 dicembre 2022.....sto ancora cercando di farmene una ragione. Credimi che tutto ha uno scopo e c'è una ragione dietro ai fatti della nostra vita. Stai/stiamo per assistere ad uno "fucking tsunami".....stai in salute, sopravvivi a questo momento.....io, tu ed altri capiremo meglio dopo.....per ora sopravvivi perchè sei qui per un motivo.....altro non mi sento di dirti, stai con noi, poi capiremo meglio.
I am so sorry you understand my pain of loosing your father.
The hardest thing I have gone through was loosing my dad as we were so close and I still have so many regrets of missed opportunities, I was told it gets easier but Im not there yet. Last year saw me sink to such depths as I have never felt such grief.
I have been having very vivid dreams about him lately.
I am doing my best to make sure we are all healthy, stocking as much food and medicine as I can afford, getting busy growing food and honestly just wanting what ever it is to happen soon as this living in limbo is exhausting and each time I am tested I doubt my ability to be strong yet again.
